Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Egypt-Israel Relations: How Could Politics Ever Be a Problem? (Satire)

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By Barry Rubin

Israel will be more secure if Arab countries have revolutions that produce democratic regimes. "In the short-term, they are obviously less secure because of the unpredictability....But in the long-run, I think they are confident they can do business better with democracies than they can with dictatorships." Senator John McCain
“On Sunday, a Qassam rocket fired by Gaza militants exploded in the western Negev…[Another] rocket fired on Wednesday from Gaza…struck the deepest in Israel since a Gaza war of two years ago, damaging a home in the city of Be'er Sheva. --Haaretz

Warning: The following is satire, not an actual historical document written in 2012!

Extract from the Parliamentary Proceedings of the Egyptian House of Representatives, January 28, 2012:

The Prime Minister: “…And that’s why we have not only maintained peace with Israel but expanded trade and cooperated in fighting terrorism. We have worked hard to keep terrorists from crossing our border into Israel and to prevent the smuggling of missiles into the Gaza Strip. It is in our interests to engage in mutually beneficial cooperation with neighbors for the good of all in the region.”

Representative from Freedom and Justice Party [Muslim Brotherhood]: May I have the floor?

Speaker: The gentleman has the floor.

Representative from Freedom and Justice Party [Muslim Brotherhood]: Mr. Prime Minister, isn’t it true that the Zionist entity occupies land that belongs to the Muslim umma and is backed by the imperialistic United States? We have seen that negotiations don’t work due to the intransigence of the murderous Zionists who slay women and children, poison wells, and export sexually stimulating chewing gum! Certainly only armed resistance and Sharia law can destroy the Zionist enemy!

Representative from National Association for Change [liberal reformist, aligned with Muslim Brotherhood]: The previous dictatorial regime was overthrown in large part because of its treacherous dealings with enemies of Egypt. I can only ask how much in bribes the prime minister has collected from Zionist agents! Certainly only the exercise of democracy can destroy the Zionist enemy!

Representative from Tagammu [neo-Communist]: The enemies of the working class worked with imperialism to impose an unjust so-called “peace” treaty on the toiling masses. We can expect nothing else from the comprador bourgeoisie! Certainly only the struggle of the international proletariat can destroy the Zionist enemy!

Representative from the National Party (nationalist, anti-Islamist): As the proud leader of the Arab world, Egypt cannot betray its Palestinian, Syrian, and Lebanese brothers! Certainly only the solidarity of the Arab nation can destroy the Zionist enemy!

Representative from Freedom and Justice Party: I move a resolution of no confidence against the prime minister!

Speaker: Everyone for the resolution raise your hand [counts]. Anyone against the resolution raise your hand [no need to count]. The vote is unanimous against the prime minister who will now resign from office and flee for his life.

Barry Rubin is Director of the Global Research in International Affairs (GLORIA) Center and editor of the Middle East Review of International Affairs (MERIA) Journal. His books include Islamic Fundamentalists in Egyptian Politics and The Muslim Brotherhood (Palgrave-Macmillan); and The Long War for Freedom: The Arab Struggle for Democracy in the Middle East, a study of Arab reform movements (Wiley). GLORIA Center site: http://www.gloria-center.org His blog, Rubin Reports, http://www.rubinreports.blogspot.com.

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